What I've Become

Author’s Note: This was actually the hardest response I have written. I had a lot of trouble finding a topic to write on. I was originally was going to do duality, but I decided against it because I wanted to be more original. But then, I just really thought writing a little something about duality would be so great, so I’m doing it. Through the pages of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde duality was a huge reoccurring theme. In the last chapter Jekyll goes into intimate thoughts of how he feels about the two sides of him. This inspired me to mimic his thoughts in a way, put his ideas into my own words.

I have no idea what’s happening to me. I have never felt this way before. It’s like my mind and my body are fighting in a battle to the death. My body wants so desperately to stay one, to keep the sense of unity that every individual needs. But my mind, it knows that the two sides can combine, it's one or the other. At some point in life, everyone has that moment of clashing within them. When the good and evil stand up to each other to see which one comes out on top. Whichever one does, determines that individual’s personality. A trickle of hope arises within me considering how many millions, even billions, of people have gone to the good side, but in the back of my head I consider the people that have gone the opposite way, to evil.

My mind has won. I can’t handle the polar opposite sides of my brain anymore. They need to be separated. The good wants to win, but the evil won’t go down easy. Just like two kids that don’t get along, I have to separate them. So I give in, I pick up the potion with shaking hands, trying to reassure myself that this is the right decision. Ready or not, here I go. I press the chilled flask against my lips and force the liquid down my throat.

All of a sudden I feel different. I don’t even know how to describe it, but something is off. I knew drinking the potion that it was a risk, I had no idea what to expect. Without any other ideas coming into mt brain, I walk over to the mirror hanging on the wall. With regretful eyes, I look up at my reflection, and don’t recognize it. A mere five minutes ago, I was a good looking, well-groomed man. Now what have I become? There is only one word I can use to describe what I see. Monster.

Addiction

Author’s Note: In the chapter, Henry Jekyll’s Full Statement of the Case, the author writes many descriptions of the way Jekyll feels about Hyde and Hyde feels about Jekyll. They were so well written and familiar, I was inspired to write a poem with the same style of writing.

I’ve never felt like this before.

Every force within me,

The good,

The evil,

The pure,

The innocence,

It’s all going toward one goal.

I need it,

Not want,

Need.

Like a stalking cloud,

Always hanging over me.

I muster up the courage to try towards the sun,

But every effort,

Shot down.

It’s incredible,

Like an internal organ,

It’s vital to life.

It’s a monster.

I’m afraid of it,

But I can’t let it go.

All it does is harm me,

I just can’t get enough.

I hoped this would never happen to me,

But it has…

I’m addicted.

If You're Reading This...

Author’s Note: In the story of Jekyll and Hyde there was a lot of talk about a letter that was written by Hyde. The only thing that popped into my head when I read the word “letter” was the letters that soldiers write to their families in the case that they don’t get the opportunity to come home, so I wrote a letter like that.

I hoped with all of my might that this letter would never be delivered to our door, but If you're reading this, it happened. I’m gone. But please honey, don’t think that this was a mistake. No matter what happens, I’m still a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So with that, both of us have to believe that something good will come out of this. Someone passing is never easy, just remember that I died fighting for you, our family, our friends, and everyone else in this country.

The family is probably sitting there, tell everyone that I’m gonna miss them. I’m gonna miss our family dinners, parties, and just hanging out together. I only lived 27 years, but I’ve found that there is nothing more important than family. They are there through everything, and no matter how bad I screwed up, I could always count on the support and love of everyone in the family. Wow, I’m gonna miss everyone more than words can describe.

There is one boy that I’m gonna miss in specific. Logan, I love you. Buddy, I’m sorry that we didn’t get to spend as much time as we should have. Every time I was home, all I wanted to do was go in the backyard and play catch with you, and now that my time is up, I actually regret not spending more time with you. If I could do it over, every spare second I had would have been spent with you and your mother. I love you both so much, don’t ever forget that.

Baby, I don’t even want to think about us spending anytime apart, but there isn’t much of a choice now. I love you so much, and I miss you every second you’re not by my side. But through all of this, remember, one day we will be together again. In the mean time, I want you to live your life to the fullest, even if it means that you finish your life with someone else. It hurts me, but just remember this, I’m in a better place. I’ll always love, remember me and God are both watching over you.

-Jimmy

Changes Are Impossible

Author’s Note: All of the talk about devils and Satan throughout the pages of Jekyll and Hyde sparked the thought of a situation I was in at one point. I was in a fight with someone, and during the entire time I sincerely thought they were a devil of some sort, so it triggered that memory.

I’ve never felt as naïve

As I do right in this moment.

I really thought people could change,

Turns out I was wrong.

Humans are incapable of change,

Some are masters of manipulation.

Pulling at people’s strings,

Making them do whatever,

Even making them believe whatever.

This kind of person is like a puppet show.

Some people believe what they see and hear,

But there are some people,

The smart ones,

That see behind the curtain,

Through all of the BS that is laid in front of them.

Someone can say and do the right things

Creating the façade of a new person

Yet at the end of the day

Everyone stays the same

I believed,

For a moment that is,

That someone could alter who they are.

Change the way they act and see things.

But it’s impossible.

Everyone is stuck the way they are,

There may be some improvements here and there,

But always the same overall product.